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Content Warning: This blog post contains explicit descriptions of the author’s personal struggles with issues of self-harm, depression, and related trauma.

This will probably be the most difficult thing I will ever write, and definitely the most difficult blog post I will ever write. The original title for this blog was “Self-Harm”, but I couldn’t bring myself to name it that. In past blogs, I have spoken at length about healthy escapes – and have intentionally avoided the topic of unhealthy escapes. I have avoided it because of the memories that it brings back.

I first want to talk directly to a specific group of people: those who love and care for people who commit self-harm. I had a conversation with my Mom a few years ago, and she was very distraught over a loved one who was a cutter. She just couldn’t understand why anyone would do that to themselves. I listened to everything she was saying, and I became very emotional, and when there was a pause in the conversation, I told her: I know exactly why someone would do that to themselves because… because I’ve done it myself.

I can’t tell you why every single person commits self-harm, but what I know is this: for the most part, one self-harms because the mental and emotional pain becomes unbearable, and by hurting oneself physically, it numbs the other pain. People who don’t experience the urge to self-harm will never be able to understand that, but I assure you, it is true and it is real.I first began cutting in the late 90s. It started small at first; one or two cuts; and over time that increased dramatically. What was frightening wasn’t the number of cuts, but the amount of blood. The more I bled, the more the emotional and mental pain seemed to go away. I became addicted to the blood. At times I knew I had bled too much, and all I could do was cover the cuts and hope everything was going to be alright. I realized rather quickly I couldn’t continue down this path, so my form of self-harm changed. I became what I call a bruiser: I would use some random object and hit myself with it over and over again, usually on the thighs. My object of choice became a coat hanger; it was well-suited for what I thought were my needs at the time. I bruise extremely easily, and before I would finish, a black-and-blue mark would already begin to show. By the next day, the mark would be enormous. The bruise took the place of the blood, and all I had to do was look at the bruise and any mental pain I was feeling would fade away.

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I rarely bruise myself anymore as I have found other escapes – healthy ones that I have mentioned in previous blogs. I won’t lie to you and tell you I never commit self-harm anymore: a little over a month ago, I was going through an extremely emotional and painful period, and I lost the fight and bruised myself. It was the first time in well over a year, and once again I promised I would never do it again.That was way more emotional that I can ever describe, so it is more than enough for this post. If you ever want to contact me, never hesitate, you can reach me at anonymous.prime@mindpathcare.com. Always remember, there is someone who understands, who empathizes and sends their love.

Talking about self-harm can be extremely difficult for anyone, so thank you Anonymous Prime for sharing.
If you, or someone you love is struggling with self-harm, we have experts that can help.

CLICK HERE to locate a self-harm specialist near you.

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Please note that, while we publish accurate information with professional input, no information in this blog is intended as a replacement for medical advice from licensed providers. To receive such advice please contact MindPath Care Centers at mindpathcare.com or call us at 877-876-3783, and we will connect you with a professional who can further assist you.

Tropical Storm Isaias is headed towards the Carolinas

Tropical Storm Isaias is headed towards the Carolinas. Please note that we plan to be open for appointments; however, be aware that power outages may be widespread which may impact telehealth and other appointments. We may not know until the last minute in all of our locations on Tuesday. Please be patient. We will waive missed appointment charges on Tuesday, August 4th in light of complications from the weather. If you and your provider are unable to connect, we will reach out to reschedule your appointment as soon as possible.